The pre-teens to the teenage years are the most volatile stage for a child. This stage is termed the “tween” years (ages 9-12) and the adolescence (ages 13-19), respectively. The stage that requires unconditional love and total acceptance.
It is the period of transition between childhood and adulthood. It includes some big changes—to the body, and to the way a young person relates to the world. Somehow, at this stage a child feels awkward, fully aware of the external changes. By program, there is a constant pull for the child to be a grown-up yet the safety and comfort of shelter is stronger. Externally, he/she wants to project an aura of “I am capable.” Internally, he/she is jolting the opposite pole.
Some of the behavioral changes: wanting independence from parents, leaning towards peer acceptance and influence, desiring romantic relationships. This is the stage, if their internal compass is not set, that they are easily swayed by anything, particularly social media and peer pressure—the burden to be accepted and to belong is formidable. They adopt to the norm; thus, they clothe themselves with the latest chic fashion trends. They believe it is cool to be in a relationship.
Parents, before going ballistic understand that you have not failed (assuming you have taught them well). It is biological. The growth hormones are to blame. It simply is the natural process of growth.
Any changes due to growth can be messy. In fact, be glad they want to exert their independence! For that is the direction we want for them—to be independent of us and be dependent on their Father!
Keep loving your child, since love covers a multitude of sins.1 Keep the communication lines open, find ways to spend time together, talk to them in private about any of their concerns, encourage them with their new challenges, suggest ways on how to handle stress, yet maintain the loving discipline—boundaries do not give.
It is helpful to remind them of their identity,2 that they are fearfully and wonderfully made,3 that you are there regardless of what they do (yes, parents are not exempt from pain; the job description includes a lot of tongue biting as we suffer in silence) just as Christ has been there for us. Thank God, this tumultuous stage will also pass; and we as parents may come out better. Rest assured His grace is sufficient for us,4 and that we love for He loved us first.5
Notes:
1. 1 Peter 4:8
2. Ephesians 1:1-23, is our frequent go to chapter.
3. Psalm 139:14
4. 2 Corinthians 12:9
5. 1 John 4:19
