Stella and I have been privileged to walk engaged couples through a study called the Blueprint for Marriage, a biblical standard for God’s design on marriage. Often we need to clarify the roles of Wives and Husbands (Interestingly, whether it be in the book of Ephesians, Colossians, or Peter, when it comes to marriage the wife is addressed first). Somehow the issue on submission is difficult to receive—quoting from Ephesians, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”1 Let us examine the command further.
Wives. You are distinct. You have a function separate from that of Husbands. As per God’s design you were created as a helpmate to your husband.2 The term helpmate may be likened to that of reinforcement. Picture ground troops who are surrounded by the enemy; thus, the need to call for air-support. Wives, yes, you carry that crucial role.
Submit to your own husbands. God is a god of order.3 And orchestrates order through authority. The husband carries that delegated authority in the home. Examine though why the Epistles use submit and not obey?4 Should it be any comfort, submission is not exclusive to the wife. We are to submit to one another out of reverence to Christ.5
As to the Lord. The Lord is the motive for submission. God so loved us that he gave his only Son.6 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.7 Paul gives us 3 motivations for submission: First, walk in love.8 Second, walk as children of light.9 Third, walk as wise.10
As wise are we to submit to everything? There are exceptions that does not fit into God’s image of Christ and the church. One, sexual immorality11—is your husband addicted to pornography? Is he unfaithful? Two, impurity12—is he addicted to alcohol or drugs? Is he physically abusive? Is he harboring any crime? Three, covetousness13—is he an incessant gambler? Is he accumulating debt due to greed?
The fruit of light is good, right, and true. As children of light, discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.14 The intent is to restore not to destroy. Anyone in bondage to sin needs intervention. Expose him firstly to God in prayer; secondly, to a church authority or an expert who may help.
As a loving wife, honor and respect your husband.15 As you walk in obedience picture God walking with you. I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.16
Notes:
1. Ephesians 5:22
2. Genesis 2:18
3. 1 Corinthians 14:33
4. Ephesians 6:1; 6:5
5. Ephesians 5:21
6. John 3:16
7. Ephesians 5:1
8. Ephesians 5:2
9. Ephesians 5:8
10. Ephesians 5:15
11. Ephesians 5:3
12. Ibid
13. Ibid
14. Ephesians 5:8-11
15. Ephesians 5:33
16. 2 Corinthians 6:16
