The toddler years. What do I mean by hone? To hone the character.
At the earliest stage, caring for your baby would have created an imprint of you as parent. “Instinctive behaviours have evolved favouring the mother–infant dyad based on fundamental processes of neurological development, including oral tactile imprinting and latchment. Latchment is the first stage of emotional development based on the successful achievement of biological imprinting.”1 This stage is crucial as it establishes trust, the foundation of the parent-child relationship.
The use of analogy (correspondence, similarity; reasoning from parallel cases2) simplifies the expression of a complex idea; thus, understanding is made easier. Children have been likened to an arrow. Its tip refers to skills; the shaft, character. Arrows are made for a purpose—to hit a target. Notably, no matter how sharp and glistening the tip is unless the shaft is perfectly straight and balanced, the arrow will miss its target.
First things first, sound character development before skills. Solomon was the wisest king and had riches and honor like no other.3 Yet, he missed the mark and was full of regret; he had forgotten his first love and failed to listen (Ecclesiastes records his reflection—the futility of his pursuits). A father must intentionally exercise his authority to train up a child; through discipline a child develops an internal moral compass, defines boundaries, and establishes emotional security. It is a disfavor to neglect discipline. A child left to his/her own whims grows up with a mindset of entitlement and ends up spoiled rotten, not useful for anything.
Our children understood the principle behind the “Circle-of-Blessing”4 and we made sure they were reminded of it. We had 3 simple, unmovable, uncompromising rules, which was all encompassing: Honor, Obey, Speak Truth (HOST). Any infraction of these 3 rules was dealt with swiftly with a rod. “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him”5 (more on its proper application so you don’t exasperate your child6 on succeeding blogs). They knew that we loved them and would do whatever it takes to coral them within the circle-of-blessing, even if it took hurting them.
The toddler years is claimed to be the terrible years. I vehemently disagree! If your child is secure he/she shall not call for attention. Parents, let your yes be a yes; and your no, a no! Say what you mean and mean what you say. Be consistent. Be patient. Fulfill your promise, even the most seemingly insignificant for it is big to them. Be honest with them. Do not lie to them. They are not dumb!
Stella and I were hands-on parents. We had no yayas (household helps, yes. Hmm? Here’s another worthwhile topic for a blog—help tips). We didn’t relegate our parenting duties to anyone. Most of the time, Johanan and Jemimah were with us wherever we went (part of child stimulation) and we never had tantrum problems. During our weekly date nights, with exception, we would leave them behind and entrust them to the helps or make other arrangements. First Johanan and years later Jemimah always afforded us a happy bye-bye knowing that we would be back on the time promised, usually 2 hours—no leg-latching nor ear-popping snarls or skirmish?!
We didn’t have any magic wand nor potion; no hypnosis; no tranquilizer guns nor death threats! Just the fruit of a strong bond of loving relationship expressed by long quality time playing, outdoor parks, exploration, conversation (patiently filling up their curious mind; oh, those why questions), repetitious reading of favorite picture books (we opted for no TV), eating together (breakfast, lunch, and dinner). At this stage, learning was through play. We encouraged free play and social interaction with no discrimination.
The benefits of being engaged with your children is that you learn their bent. Each child is unique and is created for a definite role; like a particular thread in God’s tapestry. Johanan and Jemimah knew our voice; and we knew theirs. We catered our teaching towards their learning aptitude. We exposed them according to their interests, which carries a lot of weight during the stage of reasoning—the skills development stage.
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”7
Notes:
1. Wiley, Acta Paediatrica, Oslo, Norway, 1992. www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5033030The Little Oxford Dictionary, 6th edition
2. 1 Kings 3:3-15
3. Ephesian 6:1-3
4. Proverbs 13:24
5. Ephesians 6:4
6. Proverbs 22:6
